Does it ever get any better? This is the question I’ve been asking myself for months. I’ve been out of work for almost 7 months, and I don’t see any end in sight. I’ve been struggling with the feeling of worthlessness. This is how I feel at times – completely worthless. I don’t know what to do with myself on a day-to-day basis. I try to keep busy and find new things to do if I get bored, but it’s getting harder to find inspiration. I’m overly stressed and tired.
The idea of being tired makes me laugh. After all, why should I be tired? I don’t have a job. How can one be tired when one doesn’t have a job to make one tired? But I am tired. All I think about every day is where is the money going to come from to pay the bills, or buy the groceries. That’s what’s making me tired, the mental stress of all that worrying is exhausting. I can see the effects on my face every time I look in the mirror. I look haggard, and that is definitely not a good thing.
It’s a sad day when you realize that you’re just not qualified to do anything. That is, you’re over-qualified or under-qualified, either way you’re not qualified to work anywhere. How can that be? How can someone be in the workforce for eighteen years, and not be able to find a job. Eighteen years of experience and education, and no one will hire you. It just doesn’t seem right somehow. The world is not a fair place, but it’s not as if I am asking for handouts. I want to work. It shouldn’t be this hard.
Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I’m feeling like this because I’m sick with the flu and drunk on NyQuil. Maybe I’m letting the death of the two most genuine characters on Downton Abbey get to me (Damn you, Downton! Stop killing off my favorite characters!). Whatever the reason, I hope there is an end to this. I need this pity party to end, and maybe have an actual party with people. BYOB of course, I won’t be able to afford supplies.