There's Always Vodka

Unless I drank it all. In that case, we'll need some more.


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Employed AGAIN!!!

I got a job, Y’all!

I can’t tell you about it, because I signed a confidentiality agreement (I’m really special and important), but still…a job! I can pay my bills again!

So after nine months I can finally stop complaining about not having a job, and start complaining about how much I hate my job…YAY!!

Thank you to all of you who have sent me messages in the past few months. I greatly appreciated your support. Your letters brought tears to eyes because of your kind words, but most importantly they brought me hope. You kept me sane. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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Not a real post, just an update

So…guys…yeah…still unemployed. I interviewed at two companies last week, and I just heard back from them. I’m a great fit for their companies, but they’re not hiring me.

The good news is, they both want me to interview for other open positions, so at least there’s that. I’m sure I’ll be crying again in a couple of weeks when these come back as duds as well. If I could afford the vodka, I’d be drinking.

 


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Ugh! Not again!

I lost out on a job today. I was told last week that it was mine, but today they changed their minds. It wasn’t even a permanent job. It was just a one-time gig, but it paid well and I could really use the money. I don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills this month. I still haven’t paid rent. I don’t know what I’m going to do.


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Flowers, please

I know it’s late to be writing about Valentine’s Day, but I’ve been catching up on my RSS feeds and coming across a lot of Valentine’s Day posts. I’ve realized that it really bothers me that my boyfriend and I don’t acknowledge it, let alone celebrate it.

We live in Miami, and Valentine’s Day can get a bit overdone here. Actually any holiday is overdone in Miami, but Valentine’s even more so. It is really annoying and commercial, but I’ve never been able to celebrate it. I’m the self-appointed queen of first dates, but I’ve never let any of my dates take me out on Valentine’s. That just seems weird to me. Now I’m in a relationship, and I still can’t celebrate it. Even if we hadn’t both been sick with the flu this year, we still wouldn’t have celebrated.

I might not be that upset about it if there were other romantic moments in my life, but there aren’t. I made a comment once to my boyfriend that he didn’t have a romantic bone in his body, and he said that wasn’t true, but I’ve never seen evidence to support that claim. His excuse is that romance takes money. I don’t believe that, but he won’t listen to any of my suggestions. It makes me wonder if romance is just dead. I hope not, but it’s hard to tell right now.

Our anniversary is next month. He can’t even remember the exact date, so I’m definitely not holding my breath for that one. I don’t need or expect a grand gesture, but I love flowers. It would be nice to get some roses , or a walk through the park. Even a home-made card to let me know he remembers would make me cry from joy. It’s just a little thing that I’ve realized I need right now. It’s been a tough seven months, and I need something to make me smile.

It seems nothing makes me smile these days. I started a self-portrait project last month, and decided to postpone it, because none of my smiles looked genuine. I was smiling, but my eyes weren’t and that wasn’t the look I wanted for my project. I suppose I could have continued with it to document the journey from  depression to joy, but I just don’t know how long that will take and I’m afraid that processing those photos will make it worse.

I’m trying to get back to normal, but it’s been a long time since I’ve felt normal. This might just be my new normal.

 

 

 


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Calling all unemployed losers

Does it ever get any better? This is the question I’ve been asking myself for months. I’ve been out of work for almost 7 months, and I don’t see any end in sight. I’ve been struggling with the feeling of worthlessness. This is how I feel at times – completely worthless. I don’t know what to do with myself on a day-to-day basis. I try to keep busy and find new things to do if I get bored, but it’s getting harder to find inspiration. I’m overly stressed and tired.

The idea of being tired makes me laugh. After all, why should I be tired? I don’t have a job. How can one be tired when one doesn’t have a job to make one tired? But I am tired. All I think about every day is where is the money going to come from to pay the bills, or buy the groceries. That’s what’s making me tired, the mental stress of all that worrying is exhausting. I can see the effects on my face every time I look in the mirror. I look haggard, and that is definitely not a good thing.

It’s a sad day when you realize that you’re just not qualified to do anything. That is, you’re over-qualified or under-qualified, either way you’re not qualified to work anywhere. How can that be? How can someone be in the workforce for eighteen years, and not be able to find a job. Eighteen years of experience and education, and no one will hire you. It just doesn’t seem right somehow. The world is not a fair place, but it’s not as if I am asking for handouts. I want to work.  It shouldn’t be this hard.

Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I’m feeling like this because I’m sick with the flu and drunk on NyQuil. Maybe I’m letting the death of the two most genuine characters on Downton Abbey get to me (Damn you, Downton! Stop killing off my favorite characters!). Whatever the reason, I hope there is an end to this. I need this pity party to end, and maybe have an actual party with people. BYOB of course, I won’t be able to afford supplies.